Its funny you know. A single question from a writer that I was asked a month ago hasn’t stopped bothering me. I keep going back to it. Its lead me to stop and think loads about all sorts of things and allow myself a little dwell on some of the amazing stuff I have done over the last couple of years. Now, I have always been a sort of ‘what will be will be’ kinda girl. I still am. I think. I still think that we are meant to be where we are doing what we are supposed to be doing even if its sometimes seems that we are not and that everything is a bit pointless. I still believe that. Some days I believe that a bit more than other days, but still……
Now there is no denying that I have had a few turbulent years. I have had things happen that have quite literally knocked me from pillar to post. I have had time when I have just stopped and stared at my navel for hours, having planned to do something, write something, be somewhere, then just not managed to leave the sofa/bed/house. These times have then been followed by a mass amount of guilt poured on myself by myself like petrol – with the fact I have ‘wasted time’ being the wick my thoughts then ignited. … Read the rest
Ive been reading a lot of stuff about ego and validation recently. And Ive also been spending less time on uploading and looking at my Instagram accounts. I also recently got accused of ‘showing off’ about something (which horrified me as I haven’t/didn’t intentionally). And all this has led me to start thinking about how the world has changed and for me to take a really honest look at what I actually think/perceive/project.
Its tricky isn’t it.
You can’t really win in this world. If you work hard you get the opportunity to do things out of the ordinary and then they become the ordinary to you. If you share that then you can be seen as being cocky, showing off, getting ‘too big for your boots’. If you share things – why do you? Personal gratification? Showing off? Pride? Over indulgent ego?
But if you do these things and you don’t share them why did you do them? Personal gratification? fear of showing off? shame for your skill/culture? or to smother your over indulgent ego?
For me its really simple. I genuinely do the things I do because I love taking photographs and I love a challenge. I get a HUGE personal satisfaction from my photography and from the adventures I have or have had.… Read the rest
I spend a great deal of my time researching these days. Im always reading something, talking to someone about something, travelling to look and photography something or writing about something. Its part and parcel of doing a PhD on a part time basis and its very very often a lonely road because I have to do all of this away from my main full time job. But I believe that if you are passionate about something then you should behave passionately about it. This was my bedroom in 1983. This wall was completed by me and my best pal at the time Suzanne – she was an amazing portrait artist and unlike me also did art at school (which by this time I wasn’t attending all that much). I was a nightmare at this time in my life. I was rebelling against everything and everyone and I was also suffering/hiding the beginnings of what was possibly early signs of an eating disorder. But apart from the eating disorder bit – an explanation of which I fully intend to return back to at some point on this blog – I was – quite honestly – having the greatest days of my life.… Read the rest